so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize