also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
