Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize