i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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