Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize