I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
