Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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