like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize