i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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