Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
