he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize