Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
