do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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