Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
