i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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