I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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