We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
