I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
