guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
