Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize