mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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