I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
