Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
