you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
