i think i have two assholes
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
im holly from the hills drunk
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
