so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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