I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
