when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize