I hate all girls vehemently.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
