I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize