Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize