how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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