just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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