I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
