pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
should my penis look like a turkey
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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