don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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