My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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