Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
don't judge my taste in strippers
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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