I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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