And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
