ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
