I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Text me some of your sweat
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
