shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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