Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
