they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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