they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
