I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
