it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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