she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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