I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
