get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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