You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
