Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
