I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
