the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
