just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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