she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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