She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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