Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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