Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize