I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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