I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize