he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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